National Military Appreciation Month: Joanna Charnas Shares "A Hero's Suicide"
by
Joanna J. Charnas
This
following essay was written in 2017 but has not been previously published.
Earlier
this week I learned that one of my former patients killed himself. I’m
devastated and can’t stop thinking about him. His name was Ryan Larkin.
Ryan was a Navy SEAL. He completed four tours of duty, two in Iraq and two in Afghanistan as a corpsman. Ryan arrived at the inpatient psychiatry ward of the hospital that employs me four weeks prior to discharging from the Navy, and he remained with us for a month.
While he was in our care, I became concerned about Ryan’s treatment. His attending psychiatrist was a skilled and caring provider, but the other players in the larger mental health system seemed mostly fearful of Ryan. Fear is not an optimal state in which to deliver care.
My colleagues repeatedly expressed concern about his opioid use and labeled him “drug seeking.” In 2016 the country had a new awareness of the burgeoning opioid abuse epidemic and the concomitant rising death rate from overdoses. I observed numerous discussions about Ryan’s drug use and concerns that he might overdose and die. Ryan had sustained many serious injuries in training and in the line of duty. To me, first and foremost, Ryan was an injured war veteran. My colleagues, with some notable exceptions, did not acknowledge this salient fact.
Ryan’s father, Frank Larkin, was the Sergeant at Arms of the United States Senate then and at the time of this writing. I reached out to him with condolences after learning of Ryan’s suicide. After receiving my initial e-mail, Frank phoned me, and we spoke at length. He told me he never used his political position to pressure Ryan’s providers. But the ward is not accustomed to parents who can be viewed on C-Span, and I overheard much talk about Frank’s political position. My colleagues felt pressured by Frank's status, regardless of his conduct as Ryan’s concerned parent and his mindful efforts to not abuse his influence.
Ryan had made some serious threats in our emergency room. We’re used to patients saying irresponsible things when they’re despairing or under the influence, but Ryan had mouthed off about a high-ranking Naval officer, heightening worries. Frank told me that Ryan didn’t remember these threats and had never hurt anyone in his life, before or after his hospitalization. He was a corpsman—a medic who saved people.
Somewhere
in this miasma of fear, I developed concerns that my peers lost sight of Ryan's
humanity. Most of the staff forgot that he had served his country honorably during
four tours in war zones, that he had sustained serious injuries in the line of
duty, and that he was a skilled warrior. They labeled him as drug seeking and were
alarmed by his anger.
While all of this was happening to Ryan, his care team attempted to coerce me into doing something I believed was unethical and fraudulent. I put my job on the line fighting this order, which eventually resolved, after weeks of discussion, when I spoke with base Legal. There I received support and an alternate and acceptable course of action. I felt discounted and devalued by Ryan’s care team, so it was easy for me to understand how he might feel the same.
I bonded with Ryan one Monday morning after hearing a report about his behavior over the weekend. Nursing stated that he’d had an angry outburst regarding his medication. I met with him later that day and told him I’d heard he had a rough weekend. Ryan immediately became defensive, assuming I was speaking metaphorically and implying criticism. I corrected him, stating firmly that I was not talking in metaphors. I explained that I wasn’t there to address his behavior, but rather to help him with his distress. He relaxed visibly, and we chatted for a while.
What moved
me most about Ryan was his emotional pain, along with his inability to manage it.
His suffering was palpable. I wanted to make him feel valued as a person and a warrior.
I often use a clinical tool with my patients called Unconditional Positive Regard,
a therapeutic concept created by Carl Rogers that involves universal nonjudgment
and acceptance of patients. It’s what I want from others and what I believe my
patients want and deserve from all staff members. That’s what I tried to give
to Ryan.
Per Frank, Ryan did not have a diagnosed major mental health disorder when he died, and he was not a drug addict. When he killed himself, he was opioid free, living with his parents, and going to school. He told his father that he still didn’t feel like himself. He had insisted that his brain be donated to science. During his autopsy, traumatic brain injury (TBI) was finally diagnosed. The blast waves he’d repeatedly been exposed to in war zones had caused this condition. People living with a TBI often struggle with emotional regulation. Ryan hadn’t been acting out on our ward; he’d been manifesting symptoms of his brain injury.
In the mental
health field, we know that some of our patients are going to commit suicide.
Ryan is my third patient to kill himself. I don’t know why, but it seems as
though the patients I’ve lost to suicide have been the special ones. I remember
each of them vividly. They were important to me before they took their lives. Ryan had a gravitas that went beyond
his years and a sweet, open face. I found him eminently likable. I will mourn
him forever.
This blog was written with legal permission and cooperation of Ryan's father, Frank Larkin.
Note: This month is also Mental Health Awareness Month -- and this blog post serves as a reminder of both the need to appreciate military members and the need for better mental health services.
Joanna has authored four books:
100 Tips and Tools for Managing Chronic Illness
Book Excellence Award
A Movie Lover's Search for Romance
Book Excellence Awards finalist
Hollywood Book Festival Honorable Mention
Pinnacle Book Achievement Award
Living Well with Chronic Illness
American Book Fest Best Books Awards finalist
Tips, Tools, and Anecdotes to Help during a Pandemic
For more posts by and about Joanna Charnas, click HERE.
For more posts about National Military Appreciation Month, click HERE.
For more posts about Mental Health Awareness Month, click HERE.
Sign up for the MSI Press LLC monthly newsletter
(recent releases, sales/discounts, awards, reviews, Amazon top 100 list, author advice, and more -- stay up to date)
Follow MSI Press on Twitter, Face Book, and Instagram.
Planning on self-publishing and don't know where to start?
in exchange for reviewing a current or forthcoming MSI Press LLC book?
Contact editor@msipress.com.
Want an author-signed copy of this book?
Purchase the book at 25% discount (use coupon code FF25)
and concurrently send a written request to orders@msipress.com.
You can!
Find their contact information on our Authors' Pages.
Check out our rankings -- and more -- HERE.
Comments
Post a Comment