Weekly Soul: Week 18 - Changed Priorities
Today's meditation from Weekly Soul: Fifty-two Meditations on Meaningful, Joyful, and Peaceful Living by Dr. Frederic Craigie.
-18-
Like many academics, I spent my young adult years postponing many of the small things that I knew would make me happy, including reading novels for pleasure, learning to cook, taking a photography class, and joining a gym. I would do all of these things when I had time—when I finished school, when I had a job, when I was awarded tenure, and so on. I was fortunate enough to realize that I would never have time unless I made the time. And then the rest of my life began.
Christopher
Peterson
When I met him, Tim was gingerly making his
way back from a very serious heart attack. He had some specific ongoing deficits—I
remember him talking particularly about diminished ability to write fluently—but
mainly, he suffered from loss of stamina, chronic pain, and the constant shadow
of his uncertain long-term future.
His story was remarkable for having had a near-death
experience. He described many of the hallmarks that are typically reported in
such experiences. He had been a detached observer of his care in the emergency
room, seeing his lifeless body being treated, hearing staff speaking, and
accurately describing specific features of the room, including many that he
would have been unable to see from his physical position on a gurney. He
described a tunnel leading to a bright, enveloping, welcoming light, and a feeling
of infinite goodness and peace. And he described a recognition that it was not
yet his time and that he needed to return to his life to love his wife.
Notably, Tim insisted that he had neither read
nor heard about near death experiences. His story was his own.
He emerged from his heart attack and brush
with death a changed man. Where, before, he had been upset by everyday
annoyances-a plumbing problem, a computer glitch—he was now more “laid back,”
paying more attention to the larger priorities of his life: cuddling with his
wife, pausing longer to talk with friends, and developing some new skills and
passions to creatively accommodate to his limitations, like posting to e-Bay. His
reflection: “You have to enjoy the ride, rather than get the ride done and then
have a good time.”
It’s a common theme that I’ve heard many
times. People change their priorities when they look mortality in the face.
It might be a cancer diagnosis that prompts
such a heightened awareness of what really matters. It might be the death of a
parent, where there are a few words you wish you had said. It might be pausing
to imagine the suffering of a thousand people being killed in an earthquake
halfway around the world. It might be finding yourself pacing when your
newly-driving teenage daughter isn’t home on time and doesn’t pick up her cell
phone.
Can you feel the tension in some of these
scenes… or perhaps can you recall times when your life has provided you with a
message of urgency about what really matters?
I suspect that all of us have had these
moments. The compelling question, of course, is how we might invite that
awareness and perspective into life without needing messages of urgency. After
all, the experiences that you hope to have in your life have a time frame. They
are limited-time offers. I won’t hike down into the Grand Canyon when I’m 85. Your
grandmother will only live so long. Your daughter will be a second-grader for
only a year.
What would you do if you knew your time was
limited or, more properly, what would you do if you carried with you the
recognition that your time is limited? How might you try to engineer some
big-ticket items that you have been putting off? How might you place greater
priority on everyday expressions of self-care, passion, curiosity and laughter—along
with the enduring qualities of kindness, generosity, and love?
Of course, you have serious commitments that
you need to address. You have a job. You need to pay the mortgage. You need to
cut the grass. But do recognize how easy it is to allow the exigencies of life
to crowd out the things that bring you joy and restore your soul. You postpone
the experiences that bring you life at your peril.
You are, again, entitled to enjoy your life. It is not selfish indulgence. It is not wasteful. It’s your ride.
Reflection
- The
tension is between doing what you need to do and creating time and space
for self-care, passions, and joy. How do you see yourself managing his
balance?
- Regret
can be a useful experience as long as it prompts reflection and learning. When
has there been a time when you have felt regret about having put off
something that would have brought you joy? Looking back, might you have
handled this differently? Is there a point of learning here?
- In
the week to come, do something that feeds your soul even if it means
pausing with the daily requirements of your life. Walk the dog. Sit in a
park. Jog. Read a book. Spend time with someone you love. Reflect on how
this experience may help to bring more clarity to how you do such things
going forward.
Author
Christopher Peterson, Ph.D. (1950-2012) was a distinguished academic psychologist, serving as the Arthur F.
Thurnau professor of psychology at the University of Michigan. He was one of
the founders of the Positive Psychology movement, joining with a small group of
other psychologists in conducting seminal research about optimism, strengths of
character and well-being. He died of sudden heart failure at the age of 62. An
article of tribute in the journal American
Psychologist describes him as “a distinguished scholar, an inspirational
teacher, and a wonderful human being.” He loved people, his colleagues say,
with his qualities of humility, generosity, and attentiveness to others that
earned him the nickname, “Mother Teresa.” They conclude, “Although his
scholarly contributions are significant, his lasting legacy will be what he
shared with other people. So many of us are indebted to him for making us
better researchers, better teachers, and better people.” You can see an
extensive collection of Dr. Peterson’s blog posts, The Good Life: Positive Psychology and What Makes Life Worth Living—with a writing style that shows both
scientific rigor and playful and joyful character—at www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-good-life. The quotation comes from his 2006 book, A Primer in Positive Psychology (Oxford Positive Psychology
Series).
Book Description:
Keywords:
meditation; reflection; inspiration; miracles; aliveness; purpose; laughter; joy; presence; mindfulness; activism; acceptance; gratitude; forgiveness; creativity; civility; hope; affirmation; wholeness; well-being; mental health; personal growth; transformation; inner peace; personal reflection; joy; joyful living; inspirational quotes; inspirational commentary
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