Precerpt from Grandma Ninja's Training Diary: The Bladder Betrayal (A Post‑Menopausal Field Report)

 

I’m going to say something no one warned me about, and every woman over fifty will nod so hard she risks whiplash:

I pee. I stand up. I walk away. And suddenly my bladder says, “Oh wait — I wasn’t finished.”

It’s like living with a forgetful roommate who only remembers her chores after you’ve already locked the door and started the car.

And let me tell you, this is not ideal when you’re trying to train like a Grandma Ninja. Nothing ruins the drama of a quarter‑mile sprint like having to veer off the track because your bladder has decided to file an urgent complaint.

I used to think this was a personal flaw — maybe I wasn’t patient enough, maybe I wasn’t emptying “properly,” maybe I needed to meditate harder. But no. This is simply what happens when estrogen packs its bags and leaves town.

Suddenly the tissues that used to be springy and cooperative become… philosophical. The bladder muscle that used to squeeze with purpose now sighs halfway through the job. The pelvic floor, once a loyal teammate, occasionally forgets its cues. And the whole system becomes jumpy, sensitive, and easily offended.

I swear, my bladder now reacts to everything:

Cold air. Standing up. Running. Thinking about running. Remembering that I once ran.

And the urgency — oh, the urgency. I can be halfway through a beautiful, powerful sprint, feeling strong and fast and alive, and then out of nowhere my bladder yells, “Emergency! We must pee immediately!” It’s not an emergency. It’s just a misfiring alarm system that refuses to retire.

The funniest part? I can haul garbage cans up a steep hill, do calisthenics that make younger people stare, and maintain a level of discipline that would impress a Marine — but I cannot convince my bladder to wait thirty seconds until I finish a lap.

Strength, it turns out, does not guarantee bladder cooperation.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned: this isn’t a failure. It’s not a loss of dignity. It’s not even unusual. It’s simply the body shifting into a new operating system — one that requires a little more negotiation and a little less sprinting away from the bathroom.

So now I do what all Grandma Ninjas eventually learn to do:

I double‑void. I time my bathroom visits like a military operation. I warm up before I run, not for my legs — for my bladder. And I laugh, because honestly, what else can you do?

Aging is full of surprises. Some are inspiring. Some are annoying. Some are downright comedic.

But all of them are survivable — especially if you’re stubborn, disciplined, and willing to jog back to the bathroom one more time before you hit the track.

Grandma’s Ninja Training Diary is the inspiring true story of a septuagenarian grandmother who dared to dream big—by training for American Ninja Warrior. Teaming up with her coach and trainer, she embarks on a three-year journey to build strength, resilience, flexibility, balance, and endurance—starting from scratch.

While COVID and two disabled adult children moving home permanently put a kibosh on those American Ninja Warrior plans, she continued to train -- a little more modestly but regularly -- and maintain the ninja strength and flexibility she had developed prior to these changes in life circumstances.

Told in a dynamic mix of diary entries, coaching insights, and behind-the-scenes reflections, this book chronicles the ups and downs of late-in-life athletic training. From gym workouts to rock climbing, yoga to injury recovery, sleep to mindset—every aspect of the transformation is explored with honesty and humor.

Grandma shares what she’s learning; her coach explains why she’s right—or wrong. Together, they offer a realistic, encouraging look at what it takes to pursue an extraordinary goal at any age.

Part training manual, part motivational memoir, Grandma’s Ninja Training Diary is packed with practical tips for readers over 50 who want to improve their fitness, health, and confidence. You’ll also get insights into strategies for balancing real life with ambitious goals and hard-won wisdom about success, failure, and the joy of simply showing up.

To read more precerpts from Grandma's Ninja Training Diary, click HERE.

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