How Is It Possible to Love Your Kids but Not Always Like Them?
The first time a parent admits—even silently, even only to themselves—that they don’t like their child in a particular moment, it can feel like a moral failure. We’re told that love should smooth everything out, that affection should override irritation, that “good parents” don’t have negative feelings toward their kids. But here’s the truth most parents discover eventually: liking your child is a feeling. Loving your child is a commitment. And those two things don’t always show up at the same time.
Love is the deep structure; liking is the weather.
Love is the tectonic plate under your feet—steady, unmoving, the thing that holds the whole landscape together. Liking is the day’s forecast. Some days are sunny. Some days are fogged in. Some days are a full‑blown storm where you’re pretty sure the barometric pressure is dropping because your kid is stomping down the hallway.
You can love someone fiercely and still not enjoy who they are in a particular developmental stage, or in a particular mood, or in a particular conflict. Adults do this with each other all the time. We love our partners, siblings, friends—and still have moments where we think, “I cannot stand you right now.” The relationship doesn’t collapse. It breathes.
Kids are still becoming themselves.
Part of the challenge is that children are unfinished people. They’re raw, impulsive, inconsistent, and often inconvenient. They don’t yet have the emotional regulation, empathy, or foresight that make adults easier to live with. They’re learning those skills from us—sometimes slowly, sometimes loudly.
So when a child is in a phase of whining, defiance, boundary‑testing, or emotional volatility, it’s not surprising that a parent might not like the behavior. But disliking the behavior can spill over into disliking the child in that moment. That doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a human one.
Liking is tied to compatibility; love is tied to responsibility.
Sometimes the mismatch is simply temperament. Maybe your child is highly sensitive and you’re not. Maybe they’re intense and you’re steady. Maybe they’re a chaos generator and you’re a structure‑lover. Compatibility affects liking. But compatibility is not a prerequisite for love.
Love is the thing that keeps you showing up even when the personalities clash. It’s the thing that makes you regulate yourself so your child can learn to regulate themselves. It’s the thing that keeps you curious about who they’re becoming, even when the current version is driving you up the wall.
Not liking your child in a moment is often a sign of healthy boundaries.
Parents who never allow themselves to acknowledge dislike often end up suppressing their own needs, tolerating disrespect, or confusing permissiveness with compassion. When you can say (internally), “I don’t like this right now,” you’re actually naming a boundary. You’re noticing the friction. You’re identifying the place where your child’s behavior is colliding with your values, your energy, or your sanity.
Naming that friction is what allows you to respond intentionally instead of reactively.
Love is the long arc. Liking is the snapshot.
The long arc is made of:
showing up,
protecting,
guiding,
repairing,
teaching,
and staying connected even through conflict.
The snapshot is made of:
the tantrum at bedtime,
the slammed door,
the eye roll,
the sibling fight,
the refusal to do the thing you’ve asked them to do twelve times.
You can dislike the snapshot without threatening the long arc.
The real question isn’t “Do I like my child every moment?”
The real question is: Can I hold onto love even when liking temporarily disappears?
Most parents can. Most parents do. And when the storm passes—because it always does—you find yourself liking them again, sometimes even more, because you’ve both grown a little in the process.
The gift is this: your child learns that love is durable.
They learn that relationships can withstand conflict. They learn that affection doesn’t evaporate when they’re difficult. They learn that being loved doesn’t require being perfect. They learn that you can dislike someone’s behavior and still stay connected.
And eventually, they learn to offer that same kind of love to others.
image and some content/research generated by AI
Read more posts on parenting: MSI Press Blog
post inspired by I Love My Kids, But I Don't Always Like Them (Franki Bagdade)
Book Description:
Selected as Independent Authors' Network Book of the Year as the Outstanding Parenting Book and winner of the Literary Titan Gold Award, I Love My Kids, But I Don't Always Like Them, is the ultimate survival guide for parents living through one of the strangest times in history. This " how to guide" will support you even if you are exhausted and burnt out in improving your child(ren)'s behavior. Written by an expert with 20 years of experience in behavioral observation in the classroom, in overnight camp, and more. Franki's storyteller cadence helps the book to read as if it's a casual conversation and pep talk between two parents over coffee. Franki is raw, authentic, and honest about her own "mom fails" and what she has learned in her own little lab school, as she raises her three children.
Franki is a parenting expert in her own right with a Masters in Special Education and most of a Masters in Clinical Social Work (pandemic purchase!) at the time she wrote this book. However, you will hear no judgement in this author's advice as she lays out methods to help parents with all types of struggles from anxiety, ADHD and sensory difficulties, to raising siblings with competing needs, to learning when to let go and when to reach out to a professional.
Does your child struggle with age expected tasks and have difficulty socially, trouble focusing, managing school, listening to directions or with sibling relations? Is your family struggling because one of your children seems to consume all your parental energy? Are you overwhelmed when your child misbehaves (again)! This book was written to support all parents. Each chapter concludes with key points, in case you read in 5 minute increments between webinars and school pick up lines. Short, insightful, and funny! Because after all, parenting can be funny!
Amazon Customers say (summary of reviews), 4.8 stars, 71 reviews
Customers find the book valuable for parenting advice, with one noting its practical insights from a seasoned educator. Moreover, the book is easy to read, with one customer mentioning it reads like a friend is talking to you. Additionally, customers appreciate its humor, with one noting it makes them laugh out loud, and they value its personal and humble approach.
BOOK AWARDS
To purchase copies of any MSI Press book at 25% discount,
use code FF25 at MSI Press webstore.
Want to read an MSI Press book and not have to pay for it?
(1) Ask your local library to purchase and shelve it.
(2) Ask us for a review copy; we love to have our books reviewed.
VISIT OUR WEBSITE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT ALL OUR AUTHORS AND TITLES.
Sign up for the MSI Press LLC monthly newsletter: get inside information before others see it and access to additional book content(recent releases, sales/discounts, awards, reviews, Amazon top 100 list, links to precerpts/excerpts, author advice, and more)Check out recent issues.
We help writers become award-winning published authors. One writer at a time. We are a family, not a factory. Do you have a future with us? Find out at www.msipress.com.
Turned away by other publishers because you are a first-time author and/or do not have a strong platform yet? If you have a strong manuscript, San Juan Books, our hybrid publishing division, may be able to help. Ask us. Check out more information at www.msipress.com.
Planning on self-publishing and don't know where to start? Our author au pair services will mentor you through the process. See what we can do for your at www.msipress.com.
Interested in receiving a free copy of this or any MSI Press LLC book in exchange for reviewing a current or forthcoming MSI Press LLC book? Contact editor@msipress.com.
Want an author-signed copy of this book? Purchase the book at 25% discount (use coupon code FF25) and concurrently send a written request to orders@msipress.com.Julia Aziz, signing her book, Lessons of Labor, at an event at Book People in Austin, Texas.
Want to communicate with one of our authors? You can! Find their contact information on our Authors' Pages.Steven Greenebaum, author of award-winning books, An Afternoon's Discussion and One Family: Indivisible, talking to a reader at Barnes & Noble in Gilroy, California.MSI Press is ranked among the top publishers in California.
Check out our rankings -- and more -- HERE.
Comments
Post a Comment