Daily Excerpt: How My Cat Made Me a Better Man (Feig) - Like a Cat in Heat



This excerpt comes from  How My Cat Made Me a Better Man by Jeremy Feig

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Like a Cat in Heat

Cat Tale: A few months after adopting Shelly, I learned about her kinky little habit. It began one night when she started sniffing a fluffy blanket in the living room. She dug her claws into the fabric, grasping it tightly. Growing aroused, she then bit the blanket and made prolonged rawrr noises that were infused with sexual energy. For the next few minutes, she just kept kneading, biting, and rawrring. It totally freaked me out.

I soon realized that Shelly was just getting her rocks off. She'd been fixed, but some desires can be tough to shake. So I had to accept the fact that my cat liked to pleasure herself. Constantly. It wasn't just with blankets either. She'd hump pillows, towels, even the occasional Nerf football. If an object was soft and pliable, you can bet she'd try to hump it.

One day, I received a stuffed turtle as a gift. A bit smaller than Shelly, it had a plush green body and was exceptionally soft, like a marshmallow peep wrapped in cotton balls. When Shelly spotted the turtle, her life changed forever. It was cat love at first sight.

From that moment on, Shelly became completely monogamous, not humping anything but the turtle. She would drag it from room to room, clawing and bleating at the top of her lungs. When I'd step out of the apartment, I'd immediately hear fevered lovemaking inside as she had her way with her stuffed green lover.

It was a torrid love affair that lasted for years. While the turtle never expressed his feelings on the matter, Shelly had found her soulmate, her most intimate connection. The turtle completed her.

CAT LESSON: We all need someone who truly gets us, someone we connect with emotionally and physically. Love can be difficult to find. But once you have it, do your best to never let it go.


AWARDS
Book of the Year finalist
Kops-Fetherling International Book Award, legacy award for humor




Read more posts by and about Jeremy Feig HERE.






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