Precerpt from Raising God's Rainbow Makers: The Odd Way Each of the Rainbow Makers Learned to Talk
The common "wisdom" is that a child's first word is an indication of that child's personality. If true, then my rainbow makers are a collection of weird ducks! None of them said the expected "mama" or "dada."
Lizzie did not have one first word. She had two (well, three words, two phrases) that appeared early. Somewhere around the time she started to walk (6 months--yeah, early with that, too). She had two expressions, which covered all needs for literally years (two years): "I like" used for any and all positive expressions, including asking for things, and "dumb" used for all negative expressions including just a gentle "no." The latter really upset Donnie's grandmother when she met little Lizzie for the first time. She did not like being called "dumb" when she offered Lizzie a piece of cake. (For the most part, my rainbow makers do not like the taste of sugar, and, therefore, pastries and baked goods.)
One day, shortly after she had turned two, Lizzie pointed to the salt and said "I like" repeatedly while Donnie and I did not respond immediately because we were caught up in a conversation. Exasperated, Lizzie clearly and emphatically spoke up, "Please pass the salt!" Whoa! Lizzie could talk; she just chose not to.
Her second utterance came three months later, on Christmas Eve. She pulled the curtain back late in the evening (around 10:00) and announced, "Santa Claus is coming tonight!" Whoa! Really? We had no TV and had never mentioned Santa Claus. How did she figure that one out? Donnie scrambled. There was a Woolworth's still open, and he was able to find some socks for her doll--enough to make her happy that Santa Claus had remembered her. (My rainbow makers have never asked for much and have been happy with whatever they have received. Donnie and I were lucky that way.)
Her third utterance came yet another three months later. We had moved to Texas, and flooding was in full gear. As we drove our little pickup truck through water than came halfway up on our tires, Lizzie sat straight up in her car seat (they were forward facing back then) and commented, "Oh, Jesus Christ, look at all that water!" Whoa again! Where had she learned to curse? Still no TV, but there was day care (where she was not talking, either). Clearly, that girl could talk. She could make fully formed, grammatically accurate sentences. She just chose not to. Not at home and not in public.
Not long after that the dam broke--not the lake, but her speech. But again, not typical. At night, when I would put her to bed, she wanted to tell me a story. Every night. But she did not narrate them. She sang them, in her own little made-up melody.
As I recall, she really started talking like one might expect when she was approaching age three and developed an imaginary play pal: Scooby Doo. She would look for Scooby Doo, call to Scooby Doo, and talk to Scooby Doo. (It took another couple of years for me to realize that Scooby Doo was a TV character, so even though we had no TV at home until after she was in kindergarten, she was clearly seeing it somewhere -- daycare, likely.) Once she had a conversation going with Scooby Doo, she began talking to us in ways that we had expected much earlier. Likely, that was also the influence of daycare.
Does Lizzie have an all or nothing personality? Hm, maybe at times. She is much more mellow than that speech pattern might have predicted. And nowadays, as a psychologist, she sees shades of gray that many folks do not.
Now, Noelle, spoke so early we were not sure we were actually hearing her. She was just a couple months old when she said her first word, "Hi." H is a difficult letter to pronounce. The bilabials are much more natural, which is why "mama" and "dada" or "papa" or "baba" (Arabic) are so common. Hi? She would say it to everyone who came over to coo at it, and, of course, she got a lot cooing (and encouragement) as a result. Her other words came tumbling after, within months. She has always been articulate, even as a child, which has made her a good self-advocate.
Does her first word indicate that she is highly social? Maybe. She is indeed an extravert, and she is indeed very social. And very good at chit-chat. So, maybe her first word, did indicate something.
Shane's first word scared us. At six months, although he was supposedly being watched, averted eyes momentarily allowed him to walk right down a long staircase in his walker. He broke his arm. At first, we did not know. When we picked up, he looked up, crossed his eyes, sucked in his breath, and said his first word, "Oh-oh!" That was the only word he had for quite a while (not one that brings comfort to parents). Like Lizzie, he did not begin talking until much later than normal. We considered that he might be developmentally delayed since he did not walk, either.
At 23 months, he said his second word, "Read." I was working with flashcards with Noelle, who struggled with them, so I started to put them away when Shane crawled over and said, "Read!" He proceeded to real all the flashcards and then crawled to the bookshelf, pulled off a children's book, and read it aloud. Okay, then! This kid, like Lizzie, could talk. He just chose not to. (And, as it turned out, although he talked late and walked late--age three--he was not developmentally delayed in anyway. He was highly gifted. Read voraciously at the tenderest of ages and was placed in first grade just a couple of months after he turned three and had started walking by the University of Pittsburgh Laboratory School when the preschool director found out on the first day that he was reading pretty advanced books (as in books for adults) and handle math problems well beyond first grade (addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, fractions, and money--we had not known any more than we had known he could read). But speaking? To this day, he speaks little, but what he says is worth listening to.
Was his first word an indication of anything? Dunno. He takes physical risks, particularly in wilderness backpacking, but has not broken anything else. But if "read" was really his first word, then yeah, he reads. Always has, always does, and probably always will.
As for Doah, as with other things, his speaking experience was completely off the map. His first word was "syr" (Russian for "cheese"). Turns out he was significantly deaf, and I, the only one who spoke Russian to him, was the only one he heard because I was the only one to hold him close enough for my words to reach his ears. When, at the prompting of the speech pathologist, I switched to English, the stubborn little boy's first word was "cheese" -- not an easy word to pronounce for a little tyke. By then, he was also two years old, like Lizzie and Shane.
Was "cheese" a meaningful first word, considering that he needed speech therapy in order to learn to talk, anyway? Just perhaps. Of all the kids, perhaps his first word did have significant meaning. It turns out that he is allergic to cheese, and, therefore, craves it! (We found that out when he was five.)
Bottom line: I cannot give evidence one way of the other as to that myth or wisdom that the first word reveals a child's personality. I am just happy that all the rainbow makers did finally learn to communicate, each in his or her own way.
Book Description:
Raising God's Rainbow Makers: A Family Memoir of Grace, Grit, and Growing Up Different
What happens when a military family welcomes four children—each with wildly different needs—into a world not always built to support them?
In Raising God’s Rainbow Makers, one mother shares the remarkable journey of raising two children with complex disabilities—one with spina bifida, one with CHARGE Syndrome—and two intellectually gifted children, all born in different states during years of military life. Through medical crises, educational challenges, and societal roadblocks (both intentional and unintentional), this honest and inspiring memoir tells the story of how one family built a life of strength, compassion, and resilience.
With warmth and unflinching honesty, the author reflects on emergency surgeries, IEP battles, unexpected victories, and the fierce sibling bonds that formed in the face of it all. The children—now grown—bear witness to the power of support, faith, and never giving up.
This is not just a story of survival. It is a celebration of difference, a chronicle of hope, and a powerful testament to what love and determination can build when the world says "impossible."
Keywords:
Parenting memoir; Special needs parenting; Raising children with disabilities; Military family life; Family resilience; Inspirational family story; Faith-based memoir; Coping with medical challenges; Sibling support stories; Gifted children; Spina bifida; CHARGE Syndrome; Hydrocephalus; Congenital disabilities; Complex medical needs; Pediatric neurosurgery; IEP and special education; Gifted education; Educational advocacy; Inclusive education; Hope and healing; Courage and strength; Love and perseverance; Raising different children; Disability acceptance; Parenting through adversity; Overcoming barriers; Finding joy in hardship; Special needs journey; Family unity and support; For parents of disabled children; For parents of gifted children; For educators and therapists; Christian parenting memoir; For families facing rare diagnoses; Real-life parenting stories; Memoirs about raising children; Stories of medical miracles
For more posts about Elizabeth and her books, click HERE.
Read more stories -- and photos -- about the Mahlou family in the blog (no longer maintained), Clan of Mahlou.
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