Broken Fences, Angry Neighbors

 


Robert Frost said "Good fences make good neighbors," and California has a Good Neighbor Fence Law that says a fence's destiny has to be decided together by neighbors. But what if you don't see eye-to-eye, how do you avoid the grip of anger to work out fencing and other neighborly issues?

When you don’t see eye‑to‑eye, the real challenge isn’t the fence; it’s the emotional boundary. Anger wants to turn a property line into a battlefield. Humility and clarity turn it back into a line of respect.

Here’s how people keep their footing when conflict threatens to pull them under:

1. Pause Before You React

When frustration rises, the first act of strength is stillness. Take a breath, step back, and remind yourself: this is not a moral war, it’s a logistical disagreement. Anger thrives on immediacy; patience dissolves it.

2. Separate the Person from the Problem

Your neighbor is not the fence. They are a human being with their own fears, finances, and sense of fairness. When you speak, aim at the issue — not the personality. That shift alone can turn confrontation into collaboration.

3. Anchor Yourself in Shared Interests

Even if you disagree on materials or cost, you both want:

  • Safety

  • Privacy

  • Property integrity

  • Peace

Start there. “We both want this to be fair and lasting.” It reframes the conversation from me vs. you to us vs. the problem.

4. Use the Law as a Framework, Not a Weapon

California’s Good Neighbor Fence Law exists to guide cooperation, not to punish. It’s a neutral structure that says: talk first, decide together. Treat it as a shared map — not a threat.

5. Keep Your Dignity Intact

Anger tempts you to prove superiority. Humility reminds you that dignity is quieter than dominance. You can stand firm without shouting, and protect your rights without hostility.

6. End with Grace

Even if agreement is partial, close the conversation with something like:

“I appreciate you talking this through. Let’s keep the communication open.” That small sentence plants peace for the next encounter.

When you choose calm over combat, you’re building a stronger fence inside yourself — one that keeps resentment out and goodwill in.

graphic and some content/research via AI


Read more posts on anger: MSI Press Blog

post inspired by Anger Anonymous by Dr. Dennis Ortman


Book Description:

When you feel in the grip of anger, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you feel powerless to control your temper?
    Does your anger frighten you so much that you feel compelled to suppress it?
    Does your life feel unmanageable because of your anger?
    Does your preoccupation with the unfairness of life and being wronged interfere with your happiness
    Do you feel hopeless about finding a cure for your temper? 

If you answer "yes" to these questions, you may be addicted to your anger. It acts like a drug that stimulates you, energizes you, and causes you to act insanely.


Viewing your anger as an addiction, Dr. Ortman guides you through the time-tested Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to find healing and growth. He shows how the Steps offer practical wisdom to use the natural energy of your anger wisely and well, neither suppressing nor indulging it. The Steps provide guidance for your personal journey into your hostile moods so that you can discover your true self and release the Power within you.


Keywords:

Anger management book; How to control anger; Overcoming anger addiction; Twelve Steps for anger recovery; Managing anger effectively; Self-help book for anger issues; How to stop being addicted to anger; Using the Twelve Steps to manage anger; Best books for anger management and self-control; How to handle anger without suppressing it; Anger management strategies for personal growth; Recovering from anger addiction through the AA Steps; Emotional regulation techniques; Breaking free from toxic angerl Controlling temper without therapy; Anger and personal transformation; How to stop destructive anger patterns; Mindfulness for anger management



Comment from President and Founder, Psychological Counseling Services Ltd


Dr. Dennis Ortman does an incredible job with his books. He does an excellent job of using the 12 Steps to provide practical guidance for the millions of people who have problems where anger, depression, or anxiety rise to the top in terms of "the presenting problem" in their lives when they come for therapy. His books provide very useful tools to deal with getting to a better place and having a life that functions better, including more serenity.

Ralph H. Earle, PHD, ABPP, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT
President and Founder
Psychological Counseling Services, Ltd (PCS)
Scottsdale, AZ



THIS BOOK WAS SELECTED AS A FINALIST FOR
BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARD
(FOREWORD REVIEWS)





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